Red Robin...Yummm!

70 Worcester Providence Turnpike, Millbury, MA or maybe There's Yummm Near You (actually the slogan of their locations page. Yes, with three Ms)

Ignore the fact that this burger looks like it was
run over by a bus. Emily is a messy eater and
should not be allowed in public.

What We Ordered:

Whiskey River BBQ: Basted with our signature
bourbon-infused Whiskey River^® BBQ Sauce and
lassoed together with Cheddar cheese, crispy onion
straws, lettuce, fresh tomatoes & mayo.

 

Pros:

Carly-Rae Jepsen look alike waitress

Bottomless Fries

Onion Ring Tower

Variety

High School Musical poster

Cons:

Freezing cold

Jumping baby

Some questionable decor

A wait

The Experience:

For our 6th stop on our infamous burger tour, we dined at the one and only Red Robin in Millbury, Mass. (Not really, there are hundreds of Red Robins, but this makes it sound more exclusive) First of all, the plaza where RR is located was hoppin. In fact, there was a wait to get into the place.  We were forced to park approximately a mile from the restaurant itself, on the edge of what can only be described as a small ravine.  When we finally finished the treacherous hike to the front door and walked into Red Robin, the first thought that popped into our head was “There is not enough crap on the walls." Kidding, there are so many random movie posters and pictures of city skylines that we couldn't even tell you the color of the walls.  The neon lights on the walls were so bright and blinding that Shannon immediately regretted not wearing her transition lenses.

Congratulations. You did it.
World's best cup of coffee burger.

Apparently, 6:30 on a Thursday night is when all the cargo short, flat bill wearing, brace faced teenagers in the local area like to hit up the RR ...who knew?  Seeing as their moms dropped them off right at the front door, they made it to the RR before us, and we were forced to suffer through an agonizing 10 minute wait. Right off the bat, the staff was super friendly. It was like they couldn't open the door and hold it fast enough. But can you blame them? Emily and Shannon were convinced it was because of Victoria's eye-catching, Katie Holmes post-divorce inspired outfit #internproblems. Victoria figured it was because of Shannon and Emily's really, really ridiculously good looks. Victoria was correct.

At RR, every server was wearing a shirt that read “World’s Best Burger” across the back, and they sat us under a neon sign that said “World’s Greatest Burger," someone’s cocky. It’s like they knew we were there to judge them. Nothing like a little subtlety. 

After being escorted to a table by our borderline overly-friendly hostess, we realized that the place was pretty much an icebox, pack your snow pants. Shannon, a proud Girl Scout Brownie, was the only one prepared for extreme temperatures, and she quickly whipped out a sweatshirt. Emily and Victoria, who only achieved the Girl Scout Daisy level back in '97, were obviously less prepared and forced to huddle together on the same side of the booth to prevent their lips from turning blue. As it is mid July, you may assume wool socks aren't necessary for a trip to Red Robin, you would be wrong.

Shannon is very impressed by this
feat of engineering.

Seeing as Shannon had the night shift at the hospital awaiting her post burger tour, and Victoria and Emily were looking to pack on a few pounds, we decided to stock up on as much greasy food as possible. In other words, we totally caved and ordered the Towering Onion Rings, which are described by the RR as..."13 rings tall, this proves we really know how to pick ’em and stack ’em. Sweet yellow onions — breaded & crisply fried. Served with tangy Campfire Sauce and ranch dressing for dippin'." Thank god we found the stack on the menu, it was incredibly hard to decipher anything under that neon lighting.

Oh yeah and our waitress was totally Carly Rae Jepsen aka the Call Me Maybe girl. We decided that based on the latest nude-pic scandal involving the infamous 3 word song super star, she was probably trying to live a normal life and keep on the DL (which stands for 'down low' for our elder crowd). What better way to fly under the radar than by being a waitress at the RR? Genius girl. Can't wait for the next 3 word hit: "Red Robin Yum"? Just a suggestion.

We're all in this together. Except
Vanessa Hudgens and all her floral prints.

First of all, our waitress totally never told us what the sauces that accompanied the onion ring stack were. So there we were, three starving young women staring at these peculiar plastic condiment cups filled with a mysterious orange and white sauce. Honestly, that didn't stop us. We totally dug in the second Carly Rae Jepsen left, we didn't want her to think we were hungry or anything. This onion ring stack was killer by the way. Although Shannon isn't a huge chunky onion ring girl (she prefers the strings, what a diva) she still enjoyed the crispy and oily goodness.

As we were waiting for our food, every television in the restaurant was tuned to intense coverage of K 

Stew’s illicit affair with that scrawny, creepily mustached director. As fans of showering, owning shoes other than Converses, and smiling on occasion, we don’t love Kristen Stewart, but celeb gossip this juicy always catches our attention.  Emily was so caught up in her despair over R-Patz's broken heart that she didn't hear Carly Rae offer the table another round of beverages and was forced to sit through the remainder of dinner absolutely parched.

RR provides extra seasoning for your fries.
We chose not to touch it as we feel when you go out
to eat you shouldn't have to season your own food.

Then the burgers came!!! Such excitement. They came all wrapped up in some fancy paper and they came with bottomless fries! That would've been a super awesome feature if we hadn't cleaned up a towering stack of onions prior to. Victoria ordered the Whiskey River BBQ burger, just trying to bring it all back to her non existent Western roots, and Emily and Shannon followed suit. The burger was certainly juicy and very delicious and unbelievably easy to eat! We also decided that the fries were seasoned well, but too chunky. Like seriously the fries were like the width of our hands, you almost had to cut the damn things. It was vaguely like noshing on an entire mushy potato. Good thing Carly Rae gave us forks and knives...

When we finally surrendered to our massive food babies, Carly Rae brought us the check. Like, she didn't even ask if we wanted dessert. HOW RUDE. What if we wanted the Mountain High Mudd Pie? She didn't know that. And neither did we seeing as we didn't even get a dessert menu (We were reduced to performing a Google search to see what the place even offered). Guess she thought we would be full after our onion ring tower, bottomless fries and loaded burgers. This isn't amateur hour, we've been at this for a few months now. #insulted

Important Things to Consider:

Unless you feel like waiting to be seated, you might want to hit up Red Robin on a Tuesday at 3 pm. Who knew Red Robin was such a hot spot? The wait did make sense considering the parking lot was so full we had to park approximately a mile away. However, the far walk to the restaurant justified our purchase of an onion ring tower. #campfiresauce

That paper on the burgers we mentioned actually had a purpose. (Clearly the RR isn't going green any time soon. LOLZ.) It held the burger together while you headed into the thing face first. It was great because lettuce and onions and barbecue sauce didn't go every where. How refreshing. Victoria wasn't covered in ketchup for once and Joanne is now convinced she knows how to eat like a big girl. Yay!  Unfortunately, Shannon eagerly unwrapped her burger the minute it arrived as her common sense levels are minimal and finished dinner with barbecue sauce up to her elbows.  Thankfully Carly Rae was thoughtful enough to provide additional napkins.

Victoria and Shannon's new bestie. 

You will make friends at the RR. Just ask Shannon who instantly befriended the baby who was jumping behind us the whole entire time. Shannon is so above social networking sites. As long as she continues her RR appearances, she will have a 3 year old and under posse in no time. Ugh. Jeal.  Finally a group to watch all her favorite PBS shows with. Arthur re-runs, here she comes. Don't forget Teletubbies (who doesn't love a good bowl of tubby custard?) and Mister Rogers. Emily refused to acknowledge the child, jealous that she couldn't order the rad robin burger or carnival corn dog off the kid's menu. Victoria took the opportunity to take a few pics for the scrapbook.

For those of us working hard to hold onto a fabulous lifestyle much like poor Suri Cruise (Katie made her take a taxi and a commercial plane in the SAME WEEK. Apparently next week they have a subway trip planned? Eek.), your burger can be wrapped in lettuce. Eating burgers sans the bun is just so fabulous. Buns are totally for commoners and totally grungy I guess.  Yeah but there are some wild options: lettuce, whole wheat (yeah, because health is clearly our main mission), gluten-free, and onion.

Also, we need to talk about our options here for a second. Your classic burger accompaniments were offered like coleslaw, fries and salad (for those of you who like food with no taste), but then there was something really bizarre, Freckled Fruit Salad. Like what is that? Stick with fries people. And it's not like they provided a description as to what makes a fruit salad freckled, all we could think of was mold or gingers.

When you leave Red Robin, you will be full.  Like, really full.  As in, your nicest elastic waist pants will feel like they're cutting off circulation to your waist and food twins are growing in your stomach.  If you're headed home to slip into a coma for the next 13.5 hours, this is great.  However, if you're off to work an 8 hour night shift dealing with the nocturnal elderly population, you may want to consider a salad.

Red Robin is kind enough to make a wide selection of condiments available on the tables.  Not only are ketchup, mustard, and good old salt and pepper offered, but the RR provides each table with a bottle of its very own signature blend seasoning.  If you have the sudden desire to rip apart your fully formed burger, season the ground beef, and remold it into the patty shape of your choosing, you're in luck!

RATINGS (1-10 Scale)

Price (too expensive-1, fairly priced-10)...7

Service...9

Sides...7

Size...8

Presentation...7

Menu Choice...9

Deliciousness!/Flavor...8

Time to Get Food after Ordering...7

How Much Do I Feel Like I Have to Vomit After Eating (yes-1, no-10)...4

Bang for your Buck...7

TOTAL...73/100