Outback Steakhouse

227 Turnpike Road, Westborough, MA and...

What we ordered:

The Bloomin' Burger- topped
with Bloomin' Onion petals,
American cheese, lettuce, tomato,
and spicy bloom sauce (x3)

Pros:
No wait
Reasonably priced
Intense bread and butter beforehand
High-quality meat

Cons:
Limited menu
Pretty transparent Australia vibe
No Liam Hemsworth
People stare at you walking in and out



The Experience

G'day mate

The three of us are still struggling to cope with the recent engagement of Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth. The realization that Miley has taken that hot Australian hunk of man off the market has been painful, so in a pursuit to get a little bit of Australia into our own lives, we decided to feast at Outback Steakhouse.

Prior to actually entering our destination, we found the plaza where the Outback is located to be very culturally confused. From the Chinese supermarket down the strip and the Regal Cinemas that now plays serious amounts of Bollywood films and serves samosas (not s'mores), the Aussie vibe the Outback tries to give off was a little overshadowed. Disappointing to say the least, mate.  Needless to say, this Epcot of Westborough is the most traveling any of us will be doing this summer.

When we walked into Outback, much like at Ted’s, the hostess scurried to the door to open it for us. This was lovely because we were far too hungry to expend energy opening doors ourselves. Once we were inside, it took about five minutes for our eyes to adjust to the lack of light. It was like walking into the Bat Cave, but with a disappointing lack of Christian Bale.  When we said we wanted to go to "the land down under," we didn't actually mean underground. The lack of light also caused Victoria to become nervous and forfeit her drink she was trying to sneak in. Damn Bat Cave.

It was quite the crowd at Outback the evening of our visit. Of the roughly fifteen people in the restaurant, four of them were there to have an "Aussie awesome birthday."  And there was a fun group of six twelve year olds behind us who appeared to have finally convinced their parents to let them go to dinner and the movies sans supervision, most likely to celebrate the end of another stressful year at Mill Pond. We bet those cool kids enjoyed the 8 pm screening of Madagascar 3.

The menu was not extensive in the least bit, 3 BURGER OPTIONS. I mean honestly, this place is a steakhouse. Now none of us claim to be any Isaac Newtons or anything and we really never paid attention in any sort of math class, but we are all proud graduates of WHS. That being said we know a thing or two: for instance, you can occasionally get away with going to all three lunch times and skipping class, Mrs. Libby the librarian will actually kick you out of the library if you are chewing gum, and according to the transitive property...steakhouse = meat, meat = burger, therefore steakhouse = burger. They say there isn't any such thing as a stupid question, so dare we ask, WHY ARE THERE ONLY 3 OPTIONS? Bugger me dead! Since there were so many options, it took us all of 10 seconds to decide to get the Bloomin' Burger. 

We were then given a mini loaf of some sort of brown bread with butter. The knife provided with which we were expected to cut the bread can only be described as a small machete. This sharp weapon, in combination with the lack of light, makes Outback a great place to go if you're looking to murder your significant other.  Who knows, after a few months of marriage, we may actually run into Miley and Liam there. Fingers crossed.

Our burgers arrived promptly which was great because we needed a distraction from all the "Aussie Awesome Birthdays" that were going on around us. We must admit, these burgers were delicious. Although you did have to slightly crack your jaw to get your mouth around it (we can only imagine how difficult it would be for the poor 12 year olds in the restaurant who would have to readjust their braces rubber bands for this one), it was well worth it. Also, on the positive side, no drippage. When you finally did bite into the damn thing it was so juicy but for some reason there was no drip. This place works miracles. Outback Steakhouse: burger whisperer.

Important Things to Consider

Last year, Comcast conducted a survey ranking the Top 20 unhealthiest burgers. We know what you're thinking, who better to conduct a survey on healthy eating than a cable provider? Well, the Bloomin' Burger was ranked the 5th unhealthiest burger, so naturally it was delicious. But if you're "watching your weight," Outback may not be the best burger option. Although, if you are "trying not to gain 100 pounds," maybe you should read a salad blog.

Burgers are messy, especially when they are large enough to feed an African village.  If you want to avoid sitting in the burger remnants you will inevitably scatter across your cozy vinyl booth, or you know,  actually be able to see the people you're sitting with, you may want to pack a flashlight.  

CAUTION: This burger is served with fried onion petals on top.  These are in fact pieces of onion, not nibblets of chicken as some people who we will not mention believed (#Victorioproblems).  If you are watching your calorie intake and couldn't possibly consume an additional protein, you're in luck.  I mean, crikey, what do you people think Outback is trying to do, make us Aussie wannabees fat? 



RATINGS (1-10 Scale)
Price (too expensive-1, fairly priced-10)...7
Service...8
Sides...7
Size...8
Presentation...8
Menu Choice...4
Deliciousness!/Flavor...8
Time to Get Food after Ordering...7
How Much Do I Feel Like I Have to Vomit After Eating (yes-1, no-10)...6
Bang for your Buck...7
TOTAL...70/100

5 Guys Burgers and Fries

20 Boston Turnpike, Shrewsbury, MA 01545, amongst many other places

So overwhelmed by all of the options.

Topping options: mayo, relish, onions, lettuce, pickles, tomatoes, sauteed onions, sauteed mushrooms, ketchup, mustard, jalapeno peppers, green peppers, A-1 sauce, Bar-B-Q sauce and hot sauce.


All the toppings are free, which is fantastic because that’s really all that’s in our price range.

We were starving and forgot 
to snap pics of our burgers. 
This was all that was left...

Pros:
Soda Options
Friendly
Quick Service
Inexpensive
Easy to steal soda

Cons:
Condiments for fries
Bag grease
Fries separate
Only cook well done burgers
Loud

The Experience

For the second stop on our Burger Tour, we decided to leave the exciting world of Westborough and see what Shrewsbury had to offer in the way of beef products. 

Five Guys prides itself on being the "Willy Wonkas of Burgercraft." We're not really sure what this means, but the only little orange people wandering around were the guidos who wandered in from Glow Tanning Center next door, no oompa loompas in sight. The crowd was an eclectic mix: from well renounced Holy Cross professors to cargo short wearing "badasses," we really fit right in.


Ordering at Five Guys can be overwhelming. Regular burgers come with two patties, so the three of us decided to order little hamburgers, which come with once patty, since it is beach season. Each of us also ordered a regular sized side of fries with our burgers. Regular is the smallest option, but it easily could have been split between at least two of us, because the cups are overflowing with fried deliciousness. We love being fat-asses as much as the next guy, but not when it involves traveling home with a Mr. Potato Head fetus in our stomachs. One fry accompaniment option was malt vinegar. This might be a positive if we were in the United Kingdom, but here in America we pride ourselves on being back to back World War champs, having straight teeth, bald eagles, and ketchup (#USA).

Throwback counter. #retro

One unique thing about Five Guys is that they offer unlimited free peanuts to all their customers. As we are neither elephants nor circus clowns nor into cracking our own nuts, these did not appeal to us, so we had nothing to munch on while waiting for our burgers. Also, for those of you with a peanut allergy...there is a chance you will die in there. Not having anything to snack on really wasn't much of an issue because we were forced to keep a watchful eye on our belongings based on the other creatures dining around us. Half the people had clearly never laid eyes upon Longchamp or Vineyard Vines products before, and it was too risky leaving everything unattended. No distractions please.

After ordering a beverage, you are given a cup to fill at the super fancy robot soda machine. Soda fountains are fantastic, especially when hidden from view of the counter, because a free cup for water quickly becomes a soda with unlimited refills. But Five Guys doesn’t have just any soda fountain, its soda machine looks like something straight out of Zenon: Girl of the 21^st century. You could pick from a variety of Coke products, this was upsetting for Emily as she is one of the 5 people in the world who prefer Pepsi, and mix different flavors into your soda. Shannon was very confused by the complex technology and accidentally mixed diet coke and coke zero #amateurhour. Victoria on the other hand was intimidated by all of the complexity that accompanied her beverage experience and went with water at first, then decided to man up and get a root beer to go.

It looked like the bags had
been used to dab the grease off
a Papa Gino's pizza prior to
being filled with our meals.

After about 7 minutes of waiting, or in Victoria's case, 7 minutes avoiding eye contact with her professor, our numbers were called. Taking names would have made this a more personal experience, but we realize Five Guys is like a classy McDonald's, so our expectations shouldn't be that high. Forget plates and saving the Earth, at Five Guys, you're given a brown paper bag filled with greasy thick cut fries and a tinfoil wrapped beef creation. NO. TOY. Where am I? If you expect us to eat food out of a bag, you better give us a little something to make up for making us feel like animals. We aren't the animal, we eat the animal. #carnivores


The burgers are actually enjoyable to eat seeing as they are built in a way where you don't have to crack your jaw to eat them. And, thankfully, no juice drippage got in the way of enjoying the burgers. The only grease that soiled the bag was due to the overflowing french fry action, which was welcomed with open mouths from the 3 of us. Just 3 all American girls enjoying one of the foods this country was founded on.

Important Things to Consider

At Five Guys they only cook their burgers well done. This is great if you don’t feel like contracting food borne illnesses, not great if you like your burgers a little juicer.


The dining experience at 5 Guys is self serve to an extent, so no need to tip the staff (#moneyinthebank).


CAUTION: Cargo shorts allowed. The crowd at 5 Guys really welcomes the mentality "anything goes." You can honestly clothe yourself in whatever you want in that joint without having to worry about sticking out. I mean, we are in Shrewsbury so pocket chains and sk8r shoes are welcome and of the plenty.


This food is on the go, so say for instance you are running to catch a Pretty Little Liars episode....no worries just wrap everything up and throw it in the bag. How convenient. Classic Americans eating burgers in front of the tv. Clearly Michelle Obama's healthy food campaign is very effective.

RATINGS (1-10 Scale)
Price (too expensive-1, fairly priced-10)...10
Service...9
Sides...8
Size...9
Presentation...7
Menu Choice...9
Deliciousness!/Flavor...8
Time to Get Food after Ordering...9
How Much Do I Feel Like I Have to Vomit After Eating (yes-1, no-10)...5
Bang for your Buck...10
TOTAL...84/100

Ted's Montana Grill

Cheese- choice of American, cheddar, monterey jack, or swiss

400 Union Street, Suite A104, Westborough, MA

                    Or for people who live in more exciting locations...

What we ordered:

George's Cadillac- Cheddar 
cheese, smoky bacon, 
and BBQ sauce 

Avalon- Melted Gruyère with a hint of Bleu cheese, crumbled bacon and sweet caramelized onions, roasted garlic aioli and baby arugula on a toasted onion bun

Pros:
Pickles
50/50 option
Friendly waiter 
Various seating options

Cons: 
Paper straw
Crushed ice
Wait
Hardcore grease


The Experience

As soon as we walked through the doors (which were opened for us, it tends to happen to you when you all look like Kate Middleton #prettyproblems), we were forced to decide. Patio? High tables? Regular seating? Can you say anxiety attack? Deciding to live life on the edge, and in need of some sun #palegirlproblems, we chose the patio setting.


No bread, no butter....PICKLES. What. A. Treat. For pickle lovers like Victoria and Emily, the starter was a huge plus. Shannon on the other hand wasn't as thrilled and wasn't able to snack while analyzing the extensive menu.

Then came time to order. As someone who loves luxurious cars and heart attacks, Emily decided to go with the George's Cadillac burger. Being the high-end fancy food connoisseur and Arthurian legendary island hopper that she is, Victoria obviously chose the Avalon. Shannon, living up to her wild child reputation went with the classic beef cheeseburger.

Once we ordered we were faced with the decision whether we wanted fries or onion rings with our burgers. As individuals who often struggle when forced to make a choice between two delicious fried options, this can be a moment filled with anxiety. Luckily, our server Brandon stepped up and presented us with the 50/50 option of half fries and half onion rings. That kind of forward thinking is up to par with the invention of the wheel.

In addition to the difficult fries vs onion rings decision, we also had to make the decision beef vs bison. WHAT IS BISON? We all went with beef due to fear of the unknown as well as the $3 price increase. 

Instead of the traditional plastic straw, or its more fun cousin, the bendy straw, Ted’s provides its patrons with straws made out of a thick paper, cardboard like material. Shockingly, these paper straws don’t handle liquids well resulting in mushy straws, and whiny customers. Being environmentally conscious is something Ted’s prides itself on. Great, but their need to save the rainforest greatly interfered with our abilities to enjoy our beverages. Emily and Victoria are cheap and refused to pay for soda and went with waters, we kept it classy with lemons though, we’re not animals, but Shannon paid for a diet coke. The last thing she wants is for her straw to dissolve into her $3 soda. Clearly they recognize this is an issue, as they provide a cup of at least 20 extra straws.

Important Things to Consider

SO. MUCH. JUICE.

The burgers were big, you definitely got what you paid for at Ted's. The only issue? That juice. Literally every time Victoria took a bite, her elbow started dripping with juice. Like an American at PF Chang's trying to use chopsticks, she quickly became frustrated and chose to eat with a fork. Thank god for that napkin, otherwise she would've been smelling and looking like a slaughterhouse. Should've worn her burger eating clothes...


We went to Ted's for lunch, so there were about 15 people in the restaurant. Yet it took 45 minutes for our burgers to come out. Unless they slaughter their own cows in house, we're not sure what the hold up was. We doubt Ochocinco has to wait that long for a burger when he makes the trek to Westborough. Although after watching him play last season, moving slowly clearly isn't something that bothers him.



RATINGS (1-10 Scale)
Price (too expensive-1, fairly priced-10)...7
Service...7
Sides...8
Size...9
Presentation...8
Menu Choice...9
Deliciousness!/Flavor...9
Time to Get Food after Ordering...4
How Much Do I Feel Like I Have to Vomit After Eating (yes-1, no-10)...8
Bang for your Buck...8
TOTAL...77/100

I'm Eating Burgers Too Guys...

Last, but certainly not least, is Emily. Feel free to call her Van Damage, all her ex Ocean State Job Lot coworkers do. Emily is also attending Northeastern University. She came to this decision only after hearing Wendy Williams attended said university. Her hobbies include celeb stalking, sleeping outside to get into SNL, telling people she’s cousins with Shemar Moore, and pushing small children to get to the front of amusement park lines. If you follow her on Twitter, you know she’s really into yoga, and by yoga, she means hamburgers.

And Then There's Shannon...

And then there's Shannon. Since her birth at a young age, she has resented her lack of nicknames. Shannon attends the prestigious Northeastern University, located in the outskirts of the Roxbury ghetto where drive-by shootings and muggings in Ruggles are daily occurrences. In her spare time Shannon enjoys doing nothing. Oh wait, all her time is spare time because she's spening the summer in Westborough. Shannon describes herself as an avid healthfreak, and by healthfreak she means she orders diet coke instead of regular while stuffing her face with burgers. She could not be more excited to search for the best burger, gaining one pound at a time.

Meet Victoria...

Meet VIKKI. She is an avid burger consumer, quite the carnivore. When she’s not stuffing her face with local cow products, she is indulging in her other favorite summer pastimes, which include tanning by the pool and planning her upcoming wedding to the Englishman Daniel Bowman (formal invitation to follow). This summer V absolutely cannot wait to find the best local burger. Bring on the burgers. 

So You're Stuck in Westborough For the Summer....Snooze Fest 2012

So it's like this: Westborough. Ever heard of it? Probably not. Birth place of Eli Whitney (creator of the cotton gin!!!!!!) and home to one of the few Panera drive-ins (that's right, they exist). It's the town where we have 2 McDonalds, 4 Dunkins (2 right across from each other), and everyone has the 2009 Honda Pilot in either maroon or that awkward dark teal color. Kids here rock some serious amounts of Abercrombie & Fitch, but thankfully more Sperrys and Oxfords are creeping into closets. About 20 kids every year go to UMass or UNH and the same people year after year work at Ulhmans Ice Cream or Dairy Queen. Needless to say, Westborough is a pretty stagnant place. Not much comes in, not much goes out. That's why this summer, Emily, Shannon and I decided to shake things up a bit (and by shake things up I mean leave Westborough).

Eli Whitney...obviously

X4...no joke

We are in search of the best burger. The best bang for your buck burger. The be all end all burger. I mean seriously what is more American than a hunk of beef between two pieces of bread? #obesity

We have 10 weeks to accomplish our mission. Here we go....